God Is Dead

Seven dead as Israel shells packed Gaza beach

An Israeli artillery attack on a crowded Gaza beach has killed seven people including three children, according to Palestinian officials.

The shelling - apparently from Israeli ships - injured 20 more people in what Mahmoud Abbas, the Palestinian president, called a "bloody massacre".

....

Three children of one family who had been playing in the sand were among the dead on the Gaza beach. Their sister, who was in the water when the shells landed, survived.

Ya know, it's been said many times that the palestinians "rarely miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity". I think it's safe to say that they are hardly unique in that respect.

Too Fucking Funny

Dig this recording of a call to Sen. Crapo's (R-ID) office regarding the FMA.

Is Senator Crapo in favor of traditional marriage?
Yes he is, he's a cosponsor of the bill.
He is? Can you tell me if he masturbates?
I could not tell you that.
Can you tell me, do you masturbate?
I cannot tell you that either.
Can you tell me, does he commit sodomy, analingus, cunnilingus or fellatio?
What is the purpose of this questioning?
It's regarding his views on traditional marriage.
Okay, he supports the bill.
Yes, but could you tell me does he commit sodomy?
I could not give you an answer on that.
Is he willing to pledge that he has not or will not commit sodomy?
I could not answer that.
Has he ever had sex before or outside of marriage?
Again, sir, what is the point of this questioning?
It's regarding traditional marriage and how far his support goes.
Any one of those questions I could not answer.
Have you ever had sex outside of marriage?
Again, I will not answer that.
It's nobody's business, right?
That's right.
Okay, thank you.

--via crooks and liars

Oh yeah, I think I'm back.

It's a Long, Long War

Iraq Unity Talks Set Back; 4 Marines Die

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Efforts to form a unity government suffered a new setback Sunday when Iraqi leaders postponed a parliament session after failing to agree on a prime minister. Bombs targeted Shiites near a mosque and on a bus as attacks nationwide killed at least 35 people.

Four more Marines were reported killed in fighting west of Baghdad, bringing the U.S. death toll for this month to 47 — compared with 31 for all of March.

"This Is No Ordinary Rabbit"

"Monster rabbit" targets vegetable patch"

LONDON (Reuters) - It sounds like a job for Wallace and Gromit. A "monster" rabbit has apparently been rampaging through vegetable patches in a small village in northern England, ripping up leeks, munching turnips and infuriating local gardeners.

In an uncanny resemblance to the plot of the hit animated film "Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit," angry horticulturists in Felton, near Newcastle, have now mounted an armed guard to protect their prized cabbages and parsnips.

"They call it the monster. It's very big -- it's nearly the size of a dog," said Joan Smith, whose son Jeff owns one of the plots under attack.

"It's eating everything, all the vegetables," she told Reuters. "They are trying to shoot it. They go along hoping to catch it but I think it's too crafty."

<....>

Those who say they have witnessed Felton's black and brown monster describe it as a cross between a rabbit and a hare with one ear bigger than the other.

<....>

Smith himself has described it as a "brute" which had left huge pawprints.

"This is no ordinary rabbit. We are dealing with a monster," he was quoted by newspapers as saying.

"It is absolutely massive. The first time I saw it I thought to myself 'What the hell is that?'

"We have two lads here with guns who are trying to shoot it, but it is very clever."

Happy Easter or whatever...

Bad Fucking Ass!

Dig this, kiddos...



An urban combat skateboard.

Yeah, you read that right.

Urban. Combat. Skateboard.

from Defense Tech:

Happened across this pic while browsing. I can't direct link to the captioned version, but here's the super-sized version at the Defense Visual Information Center. Here's the caption:

LCPL Chad Codwell, from Baltimore, Maryland, with Charlie Company 1st Battalion 5th Marines, carries an experimental urban combat skateboard which is being used for maneuvering inside buildings in order to detect tripwires and sniper fire. This mission is in direct support of Urban Warrior '99.

An. Urban. Combat. Skateboard.

Laugh, if you want, but it's the only vehicle from Future Combat Systems to be fielded so far.

I also see it was "experimental". This must have been in Darpa's lean years. Was this was before the military starting buying commercial parts? Back when the Pentagon shopped at rummage sales?

And I'm fuzzy on this whole "detecting trip wires and snipers" tactic, here. I mean, you'd detect them, all right. I'm no military strategist, but you don't need a skateboard to set off booby-traps and get shot at.

I can see it now: "Lance Corporal, go see if that hallway is rigged to blow. Yeah. Just roll down it. Fast. Ever see 'Behind Enemy Lines'? Outrun the explosions like Owen Wilson did in the movie. And draw any sniper fire, while you're at it..."

The skateboard doesn't appear to be armored, though, and I can already hear Rummy going on about how you go to war with the skateboard you have, not the skateboard you want. Which is too bad, because there are some real bitchin' decks out there this year. (The board this Marine has is not one of them.)

There seems to be some dispute amongst the much better informed wonks over at DT about whether this thing is legit or not. Me? I don't care. I am going to blindly believe that Marines are indeed skating, nay shredding, to the shit on government decks. The visual is just way too cool for me to let go.

Sweet.

Still More Fun With Shuffle

As always, apologies to Tbogg

Round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows...

1. New Pleasure - Richard Hell and the Voidoids
2. Just Someone I Used To Know - Dolly Parton
3. Honeysuckle Blue - Drivin' n' Cryin'
4. No End In Sight - Mudhoney
5. Give It To Me - Thee Headcoatees
6. Quiche Lorraine - The B-52s
7. Unfair - Pavement
8. Music For "Todo Modo" - Charles Mingus
9. Baba O'Reiley - The Who
10. $1000 Wedding - Gram Parsons

OK. Pretty odd this week. We start with Richard Hell and end with the Grievous Angel hisself. Not to mention a little Mingus for good measure.

Super Happy Bonus Track:

11. Monochrome - Lush

It Really Should Be A National Holiday

What on Earth am I talking about? I'm Talking about BASEBALL DAY!


It's our year, baby*

Today is Opening Day for this year"s Major League Baseball season. It's a great day for a number of reasons and it's the first and last day when every team is in first place. (hey, I'm a Mets fan and today that glass is most definitely half full.)

I'm even playing in a fantasy league this year just to feel a little closer to baseball as I'm on the wrong side of the Atlantic.

Now this season does indeed begin with some controversy. Seems "Mr. Big" Selig wants to finally do something about Barry Bonds steroid use in the majors. I'll believe it when I see it. And recent transplant to NYC Josh Marshall needs to pick the Mets a team to root for.

Yesterday Armando attempted to make a case for the fuck the fucking Yankees:

Ten reasons to root for the Yankees:

(1) Yankee Stadium. Great ballpark. Easy to get to from the City. Great atmosphere. Knowledgeable fans. Diverse crowd.

(2) The Bronx. Blue as blue can get. Diversity.

(3) Red Sox fans. Most annoying in the sense of turning a great hard nosed blue collar sport into "a pastoral feast" about "angles." I hate Red Sox fans.

(4) Mets fans. White Republicans. ('cept for Gilliard, the exception that proves the rule.)

(5) George Steinbrenner. I'm serious. It takes a REAL fan to root for a team owned by that creep. Prove your mettle.

(6) Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams and Yankee Class. It's back baby. The pinstripes mean something again.

(7) Player development. For all the BS stated about the Yankees buying pennants, the fact is the Yankees core players have come up through the system. Jeter, Williams, Posada, Pettite and Big Mo all developed by the Yankees. Don't believe the hype.

(8) Jane Knowles is a Yankee fan.

(9) You can always get into a bar fight.

(10) It's the cool thing to do.

All utter bullshit except for #8. I'm giving JK a pass just because she kicks ass.

Then it was time for DavidNYC made his case for the Metropolitans:

1. You're a Democrat. Winning just feels downright alien. The Mets will make you feel right at home.

2. Gotham's true heirs of the Brooklyn Dodgers, aka Dem Bums, aka the Boys of Summer, aka "Wait till next year!"

3. Homer Simpson fantasized about Flushing Meadows. Did he dream about the South Bronx? Not so much.

4. Ample parking. 'Nuff said.

5. Do you really want to rub elbows with Republican hedge fund managers from Scarsdale?

6. Seven train immortalized by John Rocker.

7. No bleacher creatures = no pre-game vaccinations for rare infectious diseases.

8. Rooting for the Yankees to win the World Series is like rooting for Bill Gates to win the lottery.

9. A sop to fence-sitters: You can satisfy your Yankee cravings via manager Willie Randolph.

10. In your heart of hearts, you know the Mets will lose. That way, if they ever do win, you can be pleasantly surprised.

C'mon, Josh, do the right thing! Let's go Mets!

There was a pretty passionate discussion over at Steve Gilliard's place this morning about who Josh should choose as well.

So, today is BASEBALL DAY. Anyone care to make predictions? Maybe pimp your crew?

P.S. To Josh and the rest of the world, I think you know where I stand:





*I say this every year.

Nothing "Figurative" About it, Lady

"This right here beats everything I've ever seen"

Pervs on parade!

...............

Hoe Lee Shit.

Get a load of this circus of sick fucks:

Authorities shut down sadomasochistic dungeon

WAYNESVILLE – At least six men traveled from across the nation and South America to have their genitals mutilated in what Haywood County authorities described as a sadomasochistic dungeon.

Three Haywood County men are now in jail on felony charges of castration without malice and practicing medicine without a license.

Emily Kurtz, who lives below the house the three men rented at 541 Peace Mountain Road off Allens Creek Road, said she noticed men in cars with out-of-state plates visiting the home off and on since she moved to the neighborhood in January.

Kurtz said the men kept to themselves, rarely waved and never spoke.

No time for pleasantries, ma'am, we've got cocks to mutilate!

The case is the first involving willing castration in the county and could be the first in North Carolina.

“This right here beats everything I have ever seen,” the sheriff said.

No fucking shit, sherriff. And you say this is the first case of willing castration in the county? Ya'll need to get out more.

During a search of the home on Wednesday, investigators found DVD recordings of the castrations.

"Anything good on the Pentagon channel tonight? I know, let's put on that DVD of me sawing off the Bolivian's pecker again! I never get tired of that one."

Mendez and Sciara moved to Western North Carolina from Topeka, Kan. Reeves moved to the area from Atlanta, Alexander said. Mendez and Reeves worked together at Harrah’s Cherokee Casino on the Cherokee Indian Reservation, where Mendez was honored early this year for his work.

Mendez received $1,000 and a commemorative crystal award for being named one of the 2005 “Shining Stars of the Year,” according to a news release sent to area media outlets in February. Mendez worked at the casino as a Total Rewards representative, providing incentives for guests.

Who knew those "Total Rewards" were so... ...fucking twisted?

Mendez’s ex-wife, Anne Moriarty, said she and her former husband had a son and daughter together.

“This sounds highly unlikely,” Moriarty, who has not kept in touch with Mendez since he moved to Haywood County. “I mean, this guy is as gentle as a child - the guy I know.

“The idea that he could be involved in anything like what you’re talking about is unimaginable. Totally unimaginable.”

Yeah, gentle as a child sawing off the cocks of other freaks from around the world in a fucking dungeon, lady.

Look, I'm very much a "live and let live" -"whatever floats your boat" kind of guy, but sweet fucking jeezus in a weenie bikini...

I, for once, am speechless.